✨ Redefining Family: You Get to Decide Who’s Home

Family isn’t just who you’re born to—it’s who shows up, holds space, and sees all of you without flinching.

September 16 is National Stepfamily Day but I want to take it further.

Because in this season of life, I’m realizing that family isn’t always who raised you.

It’s not always who shares your DNA.

It’s not even about whose name is on your paperwork.

Family is who shows up.

Who stays.

Who sees you in your mess and doesn’t flinch. Who challenges your bullshit—not to put you down but to remind you of your accountability.

And for some of us? That never came from the places we were “supposed” to get it.

So we made our own.

💔 Why Redefining Family Matters

For many, family was fine—but it was built on scripts that no longer serve us.

You grew. You changed. And the roles they cast you in?

Too small for who you’ve become.

But for some of us, the family we were born into was never safe.

They were conditional. Judgmental. Abusive. Absent.

Some of us were born into chaos.

Some of us outgrew the people who raised us.

Some of us had to walk away to protect our peace.

And even when you know it’s the right choice—there’s still grief in that.

Grief in letting go of the fantasy.

Grief in not having the mom group, the big family dinners, or the “my parents are babysitting this weekend” stories.

“Blood is thicker than water.”

You’ve heard it. Maybe even believed it. But here’s the thing—

That phrase? Misquoted.

The original line is: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Meaning? The bonds we choose can be stronger than the ones we’re born into.

🧭 Finding Your Framily

...what if the version of family you create is even more sacred than the one you lost?

We find each other.

We create homes in coffee shops and Marco Polo threads.

We build sacred space in book clubs and carpools.

We make altars out of inside jokes, shared playlists, and silent “you good?” glances from across the room.

This isn’t the stuff of holiday cards or ancestry charts.

It’s the messy, magic work of belonging.

It's about Framily.

That’s what I’ve always called it—my chosen family. I’ve built mine from scratch.

They’re not in my family tree.

But they’re in my circle.

And they’re part of my children’s safety net now too.

Over the years, that circle has grown, evolved, and occasionally shrunk as my own life path twisted and stretched. But the need? It’s always been the same:

To find people who are safe.

People who can hold my big emotions, deep thoughts, witchy intuition, and Virgo badassery without blinking.

Framily is the group text that checks in when your world goes sideways.

It’s the friend who babysits your kid when you’ve hit your limit.

It’s the community that cheers for you louder than your own parents ever did.

Your chosen family can be:

• Friends who become siblings.

• Stepparents who become the safe one.

• Partners who hold space for your growth and your chaos.

• Neighbors, found community—anyone who keeps choosing you, even when it’s not easy.

And it’s not in spite of your blood family—sometimes it’s instead of. Because at the end of the day, chosen family is real family.

👣 Blended Families - They aren't broken

Circling back to National Stepafamily Day, let’s talk about stepfamilies.

Because the fairy tales got it so wrong.

Stepmoms are not evil.

Stepkids are not doomed.

Blended doesn’t mean broken—it means everyone is learning a new dance.

It’s clumsy.

It’s beautiful.

It requires permission to rewrite the story in real time—with everyone bringing their own history, grief, and hope to the table.

And guess what? You don’t have to get it “right” from the moment you begin.

Family is a process. Not a picture frame.

You're doing fusion cooking: taking two dishes and fusing them into one culinary delight

It will be messy. Some attempts are intolerable.

But in the end you get an incredible mashup of cultures, flavors and meaning.

🪞 The Concept of “Family-of-Self”

This one is for you solo parents. You single adults. You estranged kids. You healing humans.

Sometimes family isn’t external at all.

Sometimes family is you—reparenting yourself.

Soothing your nervous system.

Giving yourself what you never received.

The concept of “family-of-self” is about honoring your needs without waiting for someone else to meet them first. This is difficult to cultivate when the world tells you that you must do things a certain way, that old religious programming in your head that a family needs a husband and wife <*insert eye roll here*>.

You are allowed to be your own safe place.

And from that place? You get to decide who else is worthy of entrance.

Don't let just anybody in, no matter how lonely you may feel. The heavy work to remove an unhealthy relationship from your life is precious time you can be spending pursuing your dreams.

💡 Creating Something New

Use the prompts below to take some time to for reflection. Dig deep, with true honesty, about what isn't working, and start to imagine a new path forward. It may not be one that you have ever seen before, but don't let that frighten you or stop you from dreaming up the life you want to shape into reality.

When you redefine family, you will face resistance.

From others. From yourself. From society’s bullshit Hallmark template.

Whether it’s a no child by choice marriage, becoming step-parent, co-parenting with an ex, or raising kids in a polyamorous constellation—

Remember that family isn’t always linear.

Sometimes it’s layers of love with no legal tie.

Sometimes it’s the friend who showed up more than your siblings ever did.

Sometimes it’s just you—doing the inner care-giving, building a family-of-self that feels safe, held, whole.

None of it is less valid.

None of it needs explanation.

And you are allowed to start fresh.

You are allowed to grieve what you never had and still build something beautiful.

You are allowed to say:

• “This is what love looks like for me now.”

• “This is who I trust.”

• “This is who gets to sit at my table.”

Even if it’s unconventional. Especially if it is.

💭 Reflection Prompts:

• Who is in your circle that feels like family,even if they aren’t related by blood?

• Who has shown up for you, even when they didn’t “have to”?

• What would it look like to honor that connection with more intention?

  
  

Be strong. Do it scared. 💜