Dating After Divorce — Hot Girl Summer (But It's Complicated)

Re-entering the dating world after divorce isn’t just wild—it’s a f*cking crash course in self-trust, courage, and doing it scared.

Nobody prepares you for this part.

The part where you’ve survived a whole-ass marriage, untangled your life, maybe even your identity—And now you’re standing there, profile half-built on Bumble, wondering:"What the actual fuck happens next?"

Hot girl summer? Sure.

But it's Hot Girl Summer with trauma. Hot Girl Summer with legal paperwork, healing scars, custody schedules, and grown-ass bills.

It’s complicated.

It’s terrifying.

...And it’s also full of possibility.

🌿 My Real Talk Story: Doing It Scared

The first time I went on a date post-divorce, I felt like a straight-up alien.

Like—what do you even wear to a first date when your last "first date" was a lifetime ago?

And not just a lifetime ago—but a whole different mission.

Back then, it was about finding my "eternal companion."

Now? Now the focus was… me.

What do I share?

What do I protect?

What the hell do I even want?

I stumbled. I overthought. I laughed awkwardly.

And then I remembered: I’m not here to perform anymore.

I get to show up as me. Flaws, sparkle, scars, wisdom—all of it.

Every awkward coffee date, every goodnight kiss, every “this isn't quite right” moment—It was all part of building this new version of me.

The one who’s not settling.

The one who’s not apologizing.

The one who’s dating for joy, not validation.

Doing it scared. Doing it awkwardly. Doing it with FREEDOM.

🌀 Where I’m At Now

Fast forward three years since my divorce began, and I'm still learning the ins and outs of dating. (Spoiler alert: it’s a process, not a destination.)

Here’s my biggest takeaway: I trust the flow.

If it feels like hard work right out of the gate? It’s a hard pass for me.

That doesn't mean every first conversation needs to be a sweeping cinematic experience. But it does mean this:

If someone can keep up with my jam-packed schedule of football practices and games, triple-performance musical theatre weekends, long-ass massage shifts—

If they can connect through voice memos, Marco Polos, random GIFs at midnight—

If they can handle the chaos without demanding more of me than I have to give, without assuming my absence means disinterest—

Then they’ve earned a second date.

I'm not available for force.

I'm available for flow.

This Isn't Like Dating in Your 20s

You’re not 22 anymore.

You’re not out here just trying to “see what happens.”

You know who you are now. (Or you're damn well learning.)

You know what you want. (And just as importantly—you know what you won't tolerate.)

Dating after divorce isn’t about "getting back out there" to prove anything.

It’s about reclaiming joy.

Reclaiming pleasure.

Reclaiming agency over your body, your heart, your damn LIFE.

And yeah, it’s messy.

You’re learning how to flirt again (or maybe how to do it for the first time).

You’ve got a kid’s soccer game tomorrow.

A therapy appointment next week.

Existential dread sprinkled between Zoom calls.

You’re balancing hope with realism.

Desire with discernment.

It’s a whole new game—and you’re playing by YOUR rules this time.

🔥 Permission to Want What You Want

You don’t have to date for marriage if you don’t want to.

You don’t have to date casually if you don’t want to.

You don’t have to justify what you’re looking for.

You’re allowed to crave partnership.

You’re allowed to crave freedom.

You’re allowed to change your mind.

Dating after divorce is permission to listen to yourself, not just survive someone else's expectations.

💭 Reflection Prompt:

If you stripped away the pressure, the old stories, the fear—what would you want dating to feel like for you now?

Be strong. Do it scared. 💜