What if January wasn’t about becoming more — but about releasing what was never yours to carry?
I don't know about you but I hate January. I'm like a Grinch but instead of stealing your presents and Christmas decorations I want to snatch up all the new planners and the vision boards. I want to eliminate every single gym ad. That permeating "fresh start" energy?
"But Kylee, you're a transformation coach! How can you hate fresh start energy?!"
Well I am so glad you asked. Let's unpack this.
My biggest gripe with most holidays and specified time of year events is that we subconsciously limit the work or celebration to that time of year. Who thought that during middle of the most extreme seasons (northern and southern hemispheres) would be the ideal time to start over?! It's like 3 degrees out there.
But beyond the extreme weather that January brings, transformation doesn't have to wait until January to begin. And furthermore, the majority of us are going to have to start over and over and over to reach our goals. January brings this all or nothing energy which we see clearly when by February 1st most people have "failed" at their resolutions for the year.
Why?!?
Why do we typically fail and why do we continue to buy into the bullshit of January?!
Because resolution's BFF is a four letter word: fear.
Fear of failing again, fear of being seen trying and not succeeding, fear of change.
So what the fuck do we do now?!
When I’m Stuck, I Go Back to the Root
When I get stuck and don't know what to do, I usually turn to logic, study and deep dives. I know, how every autistic of me #OnBrand
One of my favorite past times is to study the etymology of the task or idea that's got me stuck. So let's look at the word Resolution...
Firm decision. Ok. But it's meh for me.
Being determined. We all think we are determined to stick to our New Year's resolution, so that one is out.
Resolute caught my eye...
And just like that, I was the Grinch again. Unwavering? Humanity is not so committed— approx 80% of us are done by the second Friday in February (asak Quitter's day), so no I don't think we have found our word yet.
So let's go all the way back to what resolvere meant in Latin, and that's when we begin to find some magic:
RELEASE.
What if instead of focusing on what we "need" to do more of, what we "need" more of, running ourselves into the ground with stress and unsustainable drive, what if instead we focused on the gentleness of releasing, loosening, untying?
Relaxing, breaking down into parts and setting free.
That my friends is where the work is done. It's also where legit magic happens.
Breaking Down the Constituent Parts
Another part of January that I cannot stand is its love for a big, sweeping declaration:
New year. New you. Total overhaul.
But here’s the thing no one tells you:
Most goals don’t fail because you weren’t disciplined enough.
They fail because they were too big, too vague, and built on fear instead of truth.
As we have already discovered, to resolve—in its original sense—doesn’t mean to grit your teeth and power through. It means to break something down into its parts.
Not: “I need to get my life together.”
But rather:
What specifically feels misaligned?
Where am I exhausted instead of energized?
What am I carrying that isn’t actually mine?
And of course answering these questions is much easier said than done because if you have been tuning out your intuition for the majority of your life, you must first learn to dive deep into your inner knowing. have to
But this is the work. The beginning of your path forward. How can you possibly know where you are heading if you do not first set a destination?
Now, I get that it is not dramatic, it isn't flashy. Just practical and honest. And yes, it can feel really anticlimactic. But clarity is quieter than hustle, and far more effective.
You Need To Calm Down
(A nervous system PSA)
A number of my massage clients struggle when I encourage them to relax. Why is that?
Most of us don’t struggle with effort—we struggle with over-efforting. (Yes, that is a word now.) White-knuckling our way toward change. Forcing momentum where gentleness would work better.
When you stop forcing and start relaxing, your nervous system shifts state. And that shift changes everything about how you think, feel, and choose.
Think about it. Most January “resolution energy” is driven by threat, not inspiration.
Your body hears:
“If I don’t change, I’m failing”
“I’m behind”
“This is my chance to fix myself”
Biologically, that registers as danger. Your nervous system flips into:
Sympathetic activation (fight/flight)
Elevated cortisol
Narrowed focus
Black-and-white thinking
Short-term compliance, long-term burnout
This is why:
You feel motivated for 2–6 weeks
Then crash
Then shame yourself
Then rinse and repeat next January. Every January. And your life continues to feel unfulfilled.
Let’s be clear: There is nothing "wrong" with you. Your body is doing exactly what it’s designed to do under threat.
Relaxing is not quitting. Relaxing is loosening your grip.
Relaxing into the work, in this context, could look like:
Releasing the belief that pressure equals progress
Admitting that fear has been driving the bus
Choosing peace over performance
Giving yourself the grace to fuck it up
It doesn't mean you sit back, grab a drink and wait for your fairy godmother to roll up with her magic wand to make it all fall into place.
But you actively choose a pace that works for you. One that allows your nervous system to exhale. Regularly. Gone is the comparison game where you rate yourself against anyone and everyone. You go inward.
This is where the culture panics, by the way. Because a relaxed person is harder to control. When you stop operating from urgency and shame, you can actually hear yourself think again.
And that’s usually when the next right step becomes obvious.
Freedom Feels Like an Exhale
Here’s the piece people miss: When you’re dysregulated, your brain prioritizes survival stories, not honest ones. So you get thoughts like:
“I should be further along”
“I need to try harder”
“If I stop, everything will fall apart”
Those aren’t truths. They’re protective narratives.
But when your nervous system settles? Well, this is the part that feels like magic—but is actually biology and truth teaming up.
When you loosen, pause or set something down on purpose,
When you stop forcing,
When you release what’s unsustainable—
Something opens and your body receives a very different message:
“I am not in danger. I am allowed to slow down.”
That activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which governs:
Regulation
Social connection
Creativity
Long-term planning
Integration and learning
What else occurs with this activation? It's where:
Insight happens
Patterns become visible
Desire clarifies
You can imagine a future without panic
In other words: Truth becomes accessible when your body feels safe enough to hear it.
You don’t have to suffer to deserve growth. You don’t have to prove your worth through exhaustion. You don’t have to keep carrying identities, habits, or expectations that were built in survival mode. And the truth that’s been buried under urgency can finally surface:
“This isn’t sustainable.”
“I don’t actually want this goal — I just thought I should.”
“What I need right now is rest, not reinvention.”
“I’ve been chasing safety, not alignment.”
Setting free isn’t just symbolic. It’s physiological permission. When you release:
An unrealistic expectation
A fear-based identity
A goal rooted in shame
A timeline that was never yours
Your body literally stops bracing. Muscles soften. Breathing deepens. Cortisol drops. Your prefrontal cortex (decision-making) comes back online.
That’s why people often say: “I didn’t decide what came next. I just knew.”
That knowing isn’t just mystical — it’s regulated cognition.
Setting free doesn’t mean abandoning your dreams. It means untying them from punishment.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can say in January is: “This doesn’t get to come with me anymore.”
Then you let it go.
Without replacing it yet.
Without rushing the next chapter.
That pause?
That’s not stagnation.
That’s integration.
The Opposite Way: Doing It Scared
The world tells you:
Decide first
Commit harder
Push through resistance
Don’t slow down or you’ll lose momentum
But Doing It Scared has always asked something different of you.
What if courage looks like:
Releasing before rebuilding
Resting before refining
Listening before deciding
Doing it scared, this way, might mean:
Not setting a resolution
Letting the year unfold before naming the destination
Trusting that clarity comes from presence, not pressure
This is not the loud, Instagrammable version of bravery.
It’s the quiet kind.
The kind that actually sticks.
And ironically? This is the path that leads to real, lasting change.
💭 Reflection Prompt:
Instead of asking “What do I need to do this year?”, try this:
What am I ready to release?
Where am I gripping out of fear instead of alignment?
What would change if I let January be a loosening instead of a test?
You don’t need to have the answers yet.
You just need to stop strangling the question.
Feel free to share your reflection!
Be strong. Do it scared. 💜
